Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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