When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
