He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
