ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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