i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
