is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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