so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
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so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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