I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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