Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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