I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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