On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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