Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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