i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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