Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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