I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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