UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
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I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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