Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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