Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize