Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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