I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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