Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
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Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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