sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize