my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize