Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
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Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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