well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
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Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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