The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize