look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize