I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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