Having a random hookup so left but love u
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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