I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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