Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize