Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize