he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
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My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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