Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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