She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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