i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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