you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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