he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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