you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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