she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
