Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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