Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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