God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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