So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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