No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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