your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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