you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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