She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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