I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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