He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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