Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize