Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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